


Light has shined so brightly

by mountain_spiderling



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: And now it´s Morgan´s too, Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Dear Theodosia will always be THE Irondad and Spideyson song, Gen, Hamilton References, I changed the lyrics a bit but let it always be known they´re from Hamilton, I cried while writing this so it´s only fair you cry while reading it, I love Tony but I need to share this pain, It´s one of those ones, I´m usually all about fluff where did this come from, I´ve had this idea for ages, Like A Lot A Lot, Not Beta Read, Please Don't Hate Me, Read while in an angsty mood and it hits you even harder, This is really short but I thought it was Sad :(, This is the first time I try writing angst, okay, this is angst, why did I make this into angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2020-09-26 02:56:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20382529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mountain_spiderling/pseuds/mountain_spiderling
Summary: One look at her eyes, and it´s like she can hear what´s going through his head right then, and that´s how he knows. He knows Pepper can see right through to him like no one else can, knows she´s thinking the exact same thing and good lord how the everlasting heck is he going to leave them he can´t bear it he can´t go he can´t-He can´t bear to leave





	Light has shined so brightly

**Author's Note:**

> :,(

It´s curiously funny, how weird the human body is.

It´s terribly inconvenient at times too, of course. Like how you need to remain unconscious for a great deal of the time in order to survive. Or how there are organs that are more harmful than purposeful and need to be removed.

Or how, even at the peak of agony, a mind can still form some sort of coherent thought, in those last fleeting moments before a body shuts down permanently.

Tony Stark stares down the most powerful evil that humanity has ever faced, puts every last drop of strength he has into snapping his fingers and destroying it,

and then he collapses, skin smoking.

Pain isn´t even a word anymore. As colossal and wonderful as language is, there are moments that we simply cannot even begin to outline, no matter how much we try. And no meagre human body has ever endured torment this vastly.

Every nerve, every cell, every single puzzle piece of skin and organ and bone that has made Anthony Edward Stark be recognisable as such by the whole world for the past fifty three years of his throbbing life is under such overpowering sensation right now-

His mind just goes

white

***

It´s actually sort of peaceful.

His mind will never truly leave him alone, of course, not until his eyes focus and fade for the final time and Tony Stark´s pain is permanently over. (pain. It’s always been pain, hasn´t it? Not a conscious second of his life has gone by without distress of some sort. Maybe this is it. Maybe this is the universe´s final mocking gesture at him, having him go through so much physical agony he´s not even registering it)

(Maybe it´s a small mercy he´s not)

_Dying_, a treacherous whisper shrieks from somewhere inside his head. _You´re dying, you fool. _

_So?_ he wants to answer it.

_So what?_

There´s a sea of aching he´s drowning in.

He sees it in Rhodey´s defeating tears and knowing touch as he silently steps back, in Peter´s wrecking sobs as choked pleas are ripped from his throat, his anguished gaze never straying far from Tony´s.

He thinks he could smile. _Peter. Got him back._

There are so many things he could have said, he knows, but right now he has only enough will to wish he could make Peter understand. Enough will to wish he could make those gushing eyes fill with transparent mirth like he did before. 

_Why are you sad?_ he wants to ask. Gosh, he wishes he could wipe those tears away. _You´re here. You´re solid, and real, and you´re here. Don´t you realize? How could you not see it?_

His fuzzy mind is getting blurrier by the second.

He knows he´s fading away with it.

A long, long, time ago, lifetimes it seemed, before time machines and gauntles and blips and stones, before a big blithering aubergine came along and effed everything up even more than it was previously, before wizards and traveling to other planets in doughnut shaped- spaceships were a thing he could fathom, even before marriage and a house by a lake and alpacas and nappies and bedtime stories and even before he saw an absolutely gorgeous pair of brown, inconceivably curious eyes open for the first time…

There was another child.

A thin, gangly-limbed spider kid with the biggest smile, and the brightest future, and a gaze so terrifyingly trusting it threatened to crush Tony completely every time he got caught up in it. He tried to put as much distance as he could between that gaze and himself. He didn´t want to be the unavoidable reason those eyes would lose their warmth. 

But damn it, that freaking impossible doe-eyed Peter Parker managed to get past every wall, every barrier Tony had built around himself and find his way through to him.

Peter, with his ridiculous science puns and puppy enthusiasm, who was always so stupidly selfless throwing himself in danger with absolutely no hesitation no matter who needed the help, who got absurdly excited over sci-fi movies and building Legos and belted out lyrics to old songs. Peter, who wanted to save everyone.

Who Tony couldn´t imagine the world without.

_Pepper´s right there._

They were in the lab that time, and Tony should have known something was up when Peter´s responses gradually got drowsier and drowsier and eventually stopped.

He´d looked up at Peter´s corner of the lab, a question ready to be said out loud, when he realized the teenager was slumped over his work table snoring softly, fast asleep.

_He thinks he can flick his eyes up at her. He tries to, anyway. His rational side is blissfully foggy, and all he can think about how beautiful she looks right then._

_His love. His wife. _

_She´s kneeling in front of him in the suit he made for her, a million emotions flickering through her eyes in less than a second, fleeting emotions he doesn´t have the ability to grasp right now, but a determinedly reassuring expression makes it to the surface. _

_She´s the strongest woman he´ll ever know._

Peter´s music playlist had still been sounding softly from the speakers, and Tony couldn´t help but chuckle at the scene in front of him while he decided what to do. The song playing ended, and a softer tune came on, one that Tony had never really paid much attention to until that night.

He remembers being surprised by the lyrics back then while he carried his spiderling up to bed, how he startled at how easy the words seemed to fit together with how he felt for the kid in his arms. That was when he´d realized, he didn´t see this kid as a random superhero from Queens anymore, not after he´d seen Peter, really seen him, for the person he was. It´d felt overwhelming back then, but things had changed from then onwards.

_He´s going to miss them so, so much. He feels a sudden exploding pang as he realizes he won´t get to see her grow up, she´ll grow up just as fatherless as he was, he´ll never get to go and see Peter graduate he´ll never see that impossibly bright smile again he´ll never see Rhodey again, he´ll never hear Pepper´s laugh-_

_Oh god, no_

_He can´t leave them_

When Peter was gone and the long nights threatened to consume him whole, he started singing the same song as a lullaby to Morgan, back when she was a fretful infant just as restless as her father. Morgan could cry and wail for hours, but if he rocked her gently enough and sang it softly, she´d almost always end up closing her delicate eyelids and falling into a peaceful sleep sooner than later.

_One look at her eyes, and it´s like she can hear what´s going through his head right then, and that´s how he knows. He knows Pepper can see right to him like no one else can, knows she´s thinking the exact same thing and good lord how the everlasting heck is he going to leave them he can´t bear it he can´t go he can´t-_

_He can´t bear to leave_

He can still hear the song now, that melody that Peter was absurdly excited about, the melody that he sang as he marvelled at his little girl´s angelic sleeping expression when his swirling thoughts wouldn´t leave him alone.

_But, as ever, she sees right through him and says exactly the right thing._

_It´s as if some part of him unknowingly crumples gently with acceptance at her words. His body slumps a little more, although he´s already so far gone he isn´t even able to feel it. He would hope she could see the unspoken words in his eyes if he didn´t already know she does. Because he does know. It´s his eyes. While sarcasm and big words and witty responses have been his greatest defences for as long as he can remember, his mask towards every difficulty, his eyes have always given his real emotions away._

_And Pepper knows. She always has._

_Peace. Rest._

_Will he ever really be able to find rest? Life has thrown mess after mess at him, time and time again. Maybe death will be kinder. Maybe death will allow him to find peace._

_And even though his whole existence has been a huge mess itself, there have been moments which he tries to hang on to now, people and memories he wouldn´t trade for anything this uncaring universe could give him. People whose light has shined so brightly and changed him so much he knows it can never truly fade._

_He´ll see them again someday. He´s sure of it._

_Life is only precious because it ends, and at the end of everything, he finds that memories are all the baggage death allows us to carry into the next unknown. _

_Though we rarely realize it, perhaps it is all the baggage we need. _

_Tony Stark takes his final breath, and the thoughts of his family are the last things that drift off with him. _

_His eyes close, his breath stills, and the soothing hands of rest, finally, allow him peace._

**Author's Note:**

> My little Morgan,  
what to say to you?  
You have my eyes  
You have your uncle's name  
When you came into the world, you cried   
and it broke my heart
> 
> I'm dedicating every day to you  
Domestic life was never quite my style  
When you smile,   
you knock me out, I fall apart  
And I thought I was so smart  
You will come of age with our young nation  
We'll bleed and fight for you, we'll make it right for you  
If we lay a strong enough foundation  
We'll pass it on to you, we'll give the world to you  
And you'll blow us all away  
Someday, someday
> 
> Oh Peter, when you smile, I am undone  
My   
son  
Look at my son  
Pride is not the word I'm looking for  
There is so much more inside me now  
Oh Peter, you outshine the morning sun  
My son  
When you smile, I fall apart  
And I thought I was so smart  
My father wasn't around (my father wasn't around)  
I swear that  
I'll be around for you  
I'll do whatever it takes  
I'll make a million mistakes  
I'll make the world safe and sound for you  
You will come of age with our young nation  
We'll bleed and fight for you, we'll make it right for you  
If we lay a strong enough foundation  
We'll pass it on to you, we'll give the world to you  
And you'll blow us all away  
Someday, someday
> 
> Yeah, you'll blow us all away  
Someday, 
> 
> someday


End file.
